How many of you know that just because you pray and ask God for something, and get peace to move forward with it, doesn’t mean that everything is going to be peaches and cream? I am going to open up a little about our new family dynamic.
A Little Background…
Written April 30, 2017 (A FB Post)
Guys we need all the prayers we can get!! Today was a whirlwind of emotions. ????Had a bunch of ups and downs, but grateful it ended on a positive note. Sometimes things seem scary when you believe God is calling you to do something outside of your comfort zone, but when it’s on your heart, and you pray and have peace, then you have to take that leap of faith, and trust that He will be with you. All the ups and downs of today stem from love and thankfulness, and all I can continue to do is ask God for His strength, peace, and joy, for the tasks at hand.#Proverbs3:5-6 #notmywill #butyours
Written May 2, 2017 (A FB Post)
Hey everyone…We got a few calls and texts about this post, so I just wanted to be transparent. Everything is all good…(Thx 4 the concerns?) …James and I want to become foster parents, and eventually adopt. I was vague, because I still wasn’t 100% sure. I thought of every reason why this wouldn’t make sense.We have 3 kids, 2 jobs, KNC, Peacebe, school, bills, life, and a whole lot of laundry???. But then I met the little boy, (James knew him from before), and all my doubts slowly began to fade away and I was reminded of not who I am, or all the things I’m not, but instead I began to focus on whose I am…and it gave me peace…..This scripture and many others made me realize that we don’t have all the answers, nor do we need to, so we will just trust God, continue to pray, and do the work needed to make this happen. I don’t know what the outcome will be, and learning the process now, so if this is God’s will I pray we get the green lights, and in time we will have another addition to our family. Our hearts and minds are ready, so now we just have to go through the process. ?✌?
A lot of ups and downs later….
I haven’t written much, not because there isn’t a lot on my mind, because that’s never the case. I haven’t written much because the things that have been going on the past few weeks seem so challenging that I don’t want to depress anyone. Don’t get me wrong there have been amazing moments despite the challenges. There have actually been huge blessings in the midst of the chaos. The trick is to not let the chaos steal my joy, but it’s hard. The other part is, out of respect I can’t share everything, because it relates to my new family dynamic. Maybe at the end of reading this entry, someone will reach out to me and say Leneen you are not alone, don’t give up. Maybe I will be the person that is encouraged after writing this. Maybe I can encourage someone else. The thing is for me it’s hard to be fake, so I haven’t said anything because there’s so much to say. I also don’t talk about other people’s business, so that’s the other issue. I mean if it deals with me I normally will share it all, no matter how embarrassing in hopes to encourage someone somehow, but this new family dynamic involves a lot. Honestly, my family and I just need prayer. I will share what I can. If anyone reading this is having challenges raising a child that they didn’t birth, and you already have kids, know that you are not alone. I would LOVE to hear from you and learn what’s working for your family. I would LOVE to hear some success stories, and challenges, so we know that we are not alone, because honestly it seems like that at times, but I know that is not the truth.
Written 9/24/18 around 11:00 am- This was going to be a FB/IG post, but I decided to make this part of the blog
Written 9/24/18 around 2:00pm
So I spoke/cried with one of the people from National Youth Advocacy Program, the agency that we are licensed with, and she recommended this video. Just know YOU are not crazy if you feel regret, frustration, and even anger for your decision. After speaking with her she made me realize that I’m not alone. She actually adopted a very challenging little boy that she fostered. When I heard that I felt like there was hope. This whole journey is teaching me about unconditional love. We have to love because we have to love. We don’t love because someone else is acting the way we want or being grateful, respectful, or kind. We love because that’s what we’re called to do. I would be lying if I said the past 10 months have been a walk in the park. It has challenged me to my core. I can’t write about every single little detail, but I know after writing about this, and speaking to someone who walked a similar walk, and watching that video, I feel more encouraged to keep pushing through. I have no idea what the outcome will be, but we continue on in faith. I actually had to be very honest and pray about my feelings. As I’m writing, I’m realizing God answered my prayers through that conversation today and through that video. Both were enough to show me that it’s not over, and we can keep going forward in love. Hope this little entry was a blessing to someone, somehow. If not, I’m thankful it was a blessing to me…lol 🙂 (Writing is my therapy!)
In this specific journey and in life, I’m realizing there will be consequences for the choices that we make. That doesn’t mean there isn’t love or forgiveness, but in any relationship it can’t be a one way street. I’m also realizing just because we have faith doesn’t mean we can fully comprehend God’s plan or purpose. I’m realizing it can’t be fruitful to carry any burden, to have an illusion of control over any situation. I’m realizing that each step we take has to be by faith not by our expectations, and we have to trust God’s will and God’s plan. His yoke is easy and his burden is LIGHT. So if you’re feeling heavy (like me) let go. Not of the situation, but the idea of control and let go of your expectations, and truly embrace what’s in store.
(This post is all over the place—And at the moment so am I. )
Blessings in the midst of the chaos…
- We completed our Peacebe deck and started sharing it with people in the children’s entertainment industry.
- I learned a lot at a 3 day training, organized by Daymond John, that will help with our companies.
- We finished our Peacebe Press Release and will be sharing online and locally.
- I got a flexible job Monday-Thursdays from 8:30-1:30 which will help out a lot.
- Our daily blessings-Love, Food, Shelter, Family, Friends, Health, Persistence to pursue our dreams, and so much more 🙂
So yes life gets TOUGH. Extremely tough for all of us in different ways. However, I’m sure in the midst of the madness we can stop and count at least 5 blessings. God bless everyone!